smoke

I am enveloped in a cloud of smoke.
Stuck.
Swarming in a suffocating heat.
Uncomfortable. Stagnant.
I cannot breathe.
My thoughts are pickled: salted for flavor but lacking any nutritional value ~ for my soul. for my life. ~
they are just thoughts.
Glorified to fit my dream, but short of substance to sustain my growth ... of who I am … and of who I envision myself to be.
I am a dreamer who has quit dreaming.
I am a fighter who has suddenly lost the ability to fight.
I am a singer who does not sing and an actor who does not act.
I’ve become an isism. I just am. I live in the moment and have stopped preparing for the future. I have lost whatever fire I had and sit by the night to watch the ember glow.
Change is coming though. There is hope on the horizon. I can see it out there, sparkling in a haze over Venice boulevard. A glorious hue of pink and gold … I see it as clear as day dripping with diamonds and laced with glowing cinders of hope. It’s above my house now, hovering in attempt to guide me to the next level:
of my career. My life. my love. my dreams.
And it will sit there, until I am ready .. until I reach out to it with my bare hands.
Its fruits ... full of grace are waiting on me, to say yes, to move the corners of my heart, to let it in, to allow its gentle warmth to undo the ice that has started to freeze my insides.
It.is patient. It. Is good. and It. has awakened me.

~Sept. 08

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