i think in blocks sometimes, i think. and i'm not really sure what that means, but it sounds right. I'll think about something or someone for an hour or a day or sometimes even months, as such has been the case as of late ... and my thoughts are almost entirely focused on that one thing. and then suddenly, it will switch and my focus then, becomes fixated on something else ... and i can see the course of my life shaping to the way of those thoughts.
when i stay focused on the past, i do not move forward.
when i look to the future, things get jumbled and then i end up thinking to the past about how i used to be able to think to the future and make things happen, but then i realize that i was really just honestly living for what made me happy, which in a nutshell ... is precisely living in the moment.
the older i get, the harder it is for me to live in the moment. the older i get, the more knotted my thoughts about certain ideals become .. i've been consciously trying to fix that fallacy in my brain, and if i'm making headway .. and i'm sure somehow i am, well i haven't begun to see the results yet ... or maybe i have .. i tend to be happier these days .. i tend not to get extremely excited or depressed anymore and somehow i equate that to being more grounded in who i am.
that's an important quality to have, i've realized. i mean, i've always heard it .. always known about it, but i've never really put it into practice. i am now. and it's great. meditation. reading .. been doing lots of reading, self evaluation, asking questions, digging for answers .. i feel like i can now have an intelligent conversation about who i am without getting all wishy washy .. and also intelligent conversations about lots of things i maybe didn't know a whole lot about back in the day.
still working on my politics, but ... i'll be educated soon enough:)