volcano

A volcano has erupted in what used to be my heart. Shards of blistering lava bombard the insides of me, melting away the parts of you and i that I had engraved so deeply into the facets of my being. I am eroding inside. I am falling apart and though I appear the same on the outside, inside of me I will never be the same. My bones are breaking, my stomach is unable to digest, and my veins … incapable to reach what is left of my heart, pour their blood into whatever cavity they can find. I am swelling in despair and my body is suffocating. I have lost consciousness. I can no longer function as a woman. I have lost all sense of reality and I am seized with fear. Screaming does me no justice. There is no end of the agony in sight. Inside my throat, a siren screeches, wailing with the same fucking intense frequency over and over again begging me to release it. But. I am unable. It is jammed inside the mess of cotton i stuffed in my throat to soak up the anguish that keeps pouring into me. I am not able to self medicate, I am unable let go. I am infinitely stuck in a slop of my own melancholy and I feel at any moment the force that blew up my heart, will also explode the entire capsule of my being.

*note that this was written a very long time ago and is not a reflection of my current state.

photo by: jin yong