surrender

They say don’t give up

like they know it will one day work out.

But the truth is, they don’t.

it’s speculation.

And speculation can amount to hope.

empty hope.

How long do you not give up

until you realize that in order to get ahead

you must give up.

That there are other dreams in store for you,

other people to meet,other obstacles to be had.

How long do you walk the cracks of a broken dream,

trying to figure out where you belong in it?

How long do slave away with yourself,

at yourself, inside yourself

battling the demons

through triumphs and defeats

until there is nothing left of you.

When do you decide

that being poor isn’t fun anymore

(not that it ever really was)

and that maybe you aren’t

as special as you thought.

The crossroad stands in front of me.

I have days to pick my demise.

I would walk to hell and back
barefoot on hot coals

if I knew for even an instant

that my dream bore hope.

I would rip away at the skin on my body

exposing my beating heart

to prove to the critics

that I was vulnerable enough,

talented enough, and damn it

strong enough to see my dreams

through to the bitter end.

But my hope is dying.

The doors aren’t opening.

The opportunities are becoming too hard to fight for.

My name has no weight.

I am becoming disillusioned.

I am questioning.

My belief is faltering.

and the doubts are gaining momentum.

and the pressure in undeniable.

fear contradicts my fate

but I must remember:

I am what I create.