the black wind that surrounds me, pelts my skin in the hours before birds sing, in the predawn of birth, during the heat of winter as I sit still in silence alone in my room. I have become an escapist, surviving life by suffocating myself in as many moments as I can clutch. I’m hurrying through my days, not allowing the implication of what you’ve done to fester inside me, afraid of the depth that your death will have on me. but. it is your deminse that lives inside of me; haunting my core as the fiends of hell knock on my door. my neck hangs heavy in the aftermath of what you’ve done.
I feel the weight of your rope noosed around my throat, sucking my spirit right through its dirty, evil tongue. tears pale my face as the silent wailing leaves me breathless. It feels somedays like I have no place to turn. you have left me alone in a world whose face is dark.you have said goodbye without speaking words. you have taken yourself, willingly, into a world who was not ready to have your grace and you did so without ever consulting a soul. I am not ready to let you go. my heart still bleeds in tidal waves. my voice still shaky in the realization of your resolution. I sing lullabies to myself that remind me of your love, like a child still in search of security. I am robbed now of everything I took for granted and I cannot stand to breathe this air knowing that the demons that seized you also speak to me in the language that we spoke together quietly in our shadows, softly in my wake.