starshine.

I always thought I would be different. I was going to be a star. I was going to rise above it all, and make my mark on the world. so I moved to Hollywood. and for four years, I begged and borrowed. I repeatedly dusted myself off and tried to make the dream a reality. I fought against myself at times, and rallied my defenses but soon enough time spoofed me as it drifted through my fingers. it dazed my eyelids and I blinked through the years. so I coughed out my life, feeling trapped in the chase until at last I realized …
I was lost.
though I had gained much, I had lost the reason I loved the dream so much. my reflection had changed. my shadow, whose face I used to know so well, abandoned me one day. I woke up and she was gone. declared herself insane and sauntered away. my virtue also weened. Soot dusted my lungs as I breathed in the city to exhale my love.
time stole and gave
chance teetered and tottered
and the evolution of my eternity morphed into a complex struggle between good and evil. good eventually reigned as I knew it would, but the darkness overtook me in ways I could not have imagined. I actually found a strange comfort in the blackest parts of my soul. I found a strange longing to connect with the rebel that was never born. as I regressed into that sleeve of myself, I saw the heartache on the wall. I knew as I ventured into that dark, cool, damp, musty cave that when I returned to the daylight, I would be forever changed.
and I was.
and the pieces of me that were glued to the edges of that cave are still there, taunting my skin and playing games with my mind. there is a jinxed joy in the impious pleasures of forbidden fruits. they are dubious by nature and tricksters by trade. but I am wise with my love and careful to bleed and the bliss of my flesh could not outweigh the ecstasy of me. though I had left parts of myself abandoned and free, I had wrapped up my value, stuck a pin its place, called on the angels, and found peace in the world's fees.